How I Met My (2nd and Better!) Husband... Part 1
During our separation and pending divorce, happy to be soon freed from my life sentence, I placed a Craigslist personal ad about wanting my second chance, making at stab at a glorified yet hopeful and determined do-over. I still wanted my happily-ever-after and I felt gypped, robbed of the chance to have a real, happy and fulfilling life with my partner, my husband, the man I thought I would spend forever with. Doug had dropped the ball. I was still the same person he had married but he had changed. Or maybe he hadn't changed at all and just pretended to be someone else; lying and cheating his way into my heart and to the alter. That seemed more likely since he cheated on me several times and I suspected he had for our entire marriage (23 years!). And he was a man of God (or at least he proclaimed himself as one)! Seeking a long-awaited and well-deserved release from his intolerable and unbelievable behaviors and a new life with a loyal, honest and good man, I placed that ad. Unfortunately, it hadn't been the first. I had placed many ads before I met John and had met many men deemed "losers", "players" and "non-commital types", at least in my eyes. But in October of 2015, when I received John's response, the skies blued and the clouds whitened, and the faraway sound of angels singing could be heard in my world.
John Krause was a man like no other. A man I'd never known or have known since. No, not perfect, but he was perfect for me, and like Neo in "The Matrix", he was THE ONE. I thought he was from the first line, but after scrolling quickly down the page to see his photos, praying he was a physical match, I KNEW he was. The title of my ad was "Looking for Real, Committed and Lasting Love".
Here's John's reply: "Hi! This might be a bold thing to say, but you sound absolutely perfect for me (and I think I might be the guy you're looking for).
I too am separated and going through a divorce and so I was thinking how nice it might be to share our experiences and offer support should.we make a connection. There's so much to say and I sense that you and I could talk for hours but rather than give you a long bio, I thought I would send you a photo and just put this on the table..I'm only 5'8", but I walk tall and am a well-proportioned 165 lbs. I say this half-jokingly but I respect your wishes and if I'm not right for you with that in mind, then I of course understand.
Oh what the heck...very quickly, I'm a college grad, Air Force Veteran, have an 18 year old daughter in college and a 16 year old son, and own.my own business. I'm gonna stop now and send this email because of all the postings I've read, yours is by far the most compelling. I've attached a few pics and I hope to receive one from you! I look forward to hearing from you (and feel free to text) but if not, I wish you the very best as you transition to being "officially" single. :)
Sincerely,
John
XXX-XX-XXXX" (phone number)
I was floored. I'd never received such an eloquent and kind reply. Oh, and the 5'8" thing was because I'd ask for someone 5'10" or taller in my ad since I'd been meeting shorter guys lately (I'm 5'6"). Thank God John ignored that request. I shudder to think if he'd never written me because of my short sightedness!
This was my reply:
"Hi John,
Wow, what nice words and photos. You look so young for 53. Ha ha, your second email came through before your first one. I honestly about given up on this dating thing. It's been a long, hard row of uncompatibles. Still, I'm an eternal optimist so I decided to put another ad and now I'm talking to you.
Here's my photos. I hope you like them so we can talk more. I hope you plan to divorce like me. I'm not looking to get involved with someone still hung up on their ex (last guy was still sleeping with her!). I do like us being able to commiserate so to speak though. Do you live apart?
I'm going to bed but I hope we can talk tomorrow.
Cindy"
John wrote back: "You are lovely! We are living apart. I bought a place here in Dundee and she is in Wilsonville with my son. My daughter is attending the University of Montana and no need to worry...our differences are fundamental and non-repairable. Hopefully, we can meet and I'll elaborate. Thank you so much for your reply Cindy. You certainly made my day and I can't wait to talk to you again. Sweet dreams. :) By the way, I am a Christian so itwas nice to see you referring to your spirituality. Take care!"
And me again: "Thank you so much for your lovely compliments and reply! I don't often come across an eloquent gentleman such as yourself. Dundee is probably 30 to 40 minutes from me. Do you drive so we can meet halfway sometime? I wouldn't mind coming out there sometimes. You can text me tomorrow if you want. I can text off and on at work. 503/686-3281. Look forward to talking with you more tomorrow. What do you do for work?
Goodnight.
Cindy"
And lastly, John:
"Thank you for the compliment; you're so kind. And I do drive...I own a courier business! I look forward to texting with you tomorrow and sleep well.
John"
I wanted to make sure John had his own car since I'd dated one of those "losers" who didn't own a car and I had to drive us everywhere. You sure find out what you really want in a man once you date men who have characteristics you dislike.
How I Met My (2nd and Better!) Husband... Part 2
The next day, when I woke up, I remembered our conversation and wanted to make sure we'd be able to connect, so I sent John an email telling him he could text me that day during work hours and that I looked forward to hearing from him.
I worked for a construction/design firm and it turns out that day I was assigned to go to the plumbing store with one of the designers and her clients to pick out various items like bathtubs, bath fixtures, etc. for their upcoming remodel. I first left my phone in the car until I realized I wouldn't know if John texted me so I ran back to retrieve it. While I watched the clients decide on their bathtub (the man actually sat in it to see if he'd fit!), I waited nervously, wondering when or IF John would text. When the clock struck around 12 noon, my phone vibrated (it was mute) and it was him! He explained that he'd slept in (it was his day off) and he was watching his dogs running around in the dog park so he thought it was good time to check in. Elated, of course, I excitedly replied. Our banter continued, somewhat interrupted by me trying to surreptiously text while maintaining professionalism as I shadowed the designer and clients. I explained to John that I would get back to him later when returning the office and he joked that that was okay because he had to get back to looking for more women on Craigslist. Not knowing his sense of humor yet and it being especially tough to discern his tone via text--I was taken aback. Fortunately, John quickly let me in on the joke and I sighed my relief. He was single and may soon be mine!
Back in the office, John and I exchanged some photos--he sent me some cute ones of him and his dogs and we talked about our kids who are very close in age. Our sons, Wil and Jeremiah were both born in 1999. His daughter, Emily was born in 1997 and my firstborn son, Noah was born in 1995. John had two dogs--Ozzie and Stella who are now my sister and brother-in-law's dogs renamed Ossie and Nilla. We decided to text again that evening when I got home from work and text we did! All week, nearly constantly, pinging back and forth about one another's lives and getting to know each other on the kind of personal level that one would normally have on a 1st, 2nd, 3rd, etc. date combined. On the second evening, we talked on the phone which was a treat. It was nice having a "real" conversation that wasn't typed out but was actually spoken. Now, we could experience hearing the sound of each other's voice, tone, inflections and corresponding emotions, which drew us even closer to one another.
One thing we discovered quickly was that we were very similiar, so similiar that even to to this day we answer each other's thoughts and say things at the same time (Jinx! or You Owe Me a Beer!). It was a rare thing and a blessing for me to actually date a man who was like me! We liked most of the same things and had the same thoughts. Doug and I used to be that way but the years had a way of stretching the similarities between us until all that remained was a chasm of loneliness and unfamiliarity. Here I'd found a man who liked me and was like me... needlesstosay, our bond drew closer and tighter. We talked about our exes, what they were like and what had gone wrong. In his case, he'd married a woman who could have starred in Shakespeare's "The Taming of the Shrew" as Kate. Once a kind and likeable woman when they'd dated and first married, she changed into a screaming tyrant that John could never change no matter what he said or did. He got yelled at for the simpliest things; things that don't bother me at all about him, things that shouldn't bother ANYONE, and yet she was bothered. He even tried to be "good" and not upset her and it didn't matter... when it came to John, she was always pissed about something. I was told him that if this woman couldn't get along with John, then she couldn't get along with anyone because John was the sweetest, most generous and kind person I'd ever met! What had happened evidently is when the recession of 2006/2007 hit, he lost his job as a mortgage broker and although he tried to get another job, it took months and she lost all faith in him. It wasn't his fault that he'd lost his job or couldn't find another one for a long time, yet in her eyes he was a failure.
For years, John endured her unforgiving, unrelenting scolding and just like me, ZERO affection or intimacy (she slept on their couch for 7 years!) and I asked him why. Why, he put up with her and why he didn't cheat. I almost wouldn't blame him for cheating, and I was living with a cheater! He said he was being faithful because he still loved her and for his kids. That's when I knew John would never cheat on me. If he hadn't cheated for 25 years while married to a horrible woman, he certainly wouldn't cheat on me, a woman who is good to him. John had been planning to try to make it work with her after the kids were out the house and if that didn't work, leave her then, but she beat him to the punch. Right before their oldest, Emily, graduated from high school, Angie told John she wanted a divorce. Their lease was up and they needed to move and she didn't want John to move with them. And they'd just renewed their vows, too! The news was a punch in the gut for John. Although she treated him wrongly, he still loved her and wanted to be a part of his kids' lives. It was understandable. He cried for two weeks and wrote Angie a letter to tell her that he would change his ways and do anything to keep her. But it didn't mean anything to her since the love she once felt for him was lost and she wanted to move on.
So, John being the nice guy that he is, helped Angie and his kids move into an apartment and he found a manufactured home 20 minutes away from them to purchase. He actually began to enjoy living as a bachelor, a single guy again. There was no one to yell at him, demand he to do things a certain way or force him to live a life way below par. No, he now had freedom. He could do what he wanted and it felt good. After 25 years of marriage, he was free. Not quite legally, but physically, he was free from her. John lived alone (except for his two dogs) in his new home from June to October 9, 2015--the day he met me.
We'd been texting for 5 days and finally agreed to meet that Friday night. I picked the spot--a restaurant in Beaverton, Oregon. I brought my friend Crystal with me for moral support, although I didn't need it. I knew I was falling in love with John and I knew he was falling in love with me, too. We'd said as much to each other. All that was needed was to meet and that would seal it--I don't believe in fate, but I do believe God brought us together. I'd prayed for John and he'd prayed for me and God had now answered those prayers.
Oh, I neglected to mention what prompted John to search out my ad on Craigslist was his soon to be ex, Angie! She told him to just move on with his life and find someone to date, so John got on Craigslist personals and typed in the word "Christian" and voila!, there was my ad. I'd written that I was looking for a man with Christian values. John had written to two other women before me but one he realized he wasn't compatible with when she replied, and the other one didn't reply. So, I was "Lucky Number 3" (except I don't believe in luck, just answered prayers), and when he received my reply to his email, he was thrilled. He was excited about the possibility of embarking on a new and massively improved relationship as was I. So, when I waited with my friend Crystal at the restaurant outdoors on that balmly October evening, I wasn't really nervous, just giddy about finally, hopefully, prayfully, this man was indeed my soulmate, THE ONE, my happily ever after rolled into one! And I would be that for him, too.
I was a little on edge when he told me a certain time he'd be there and that time had passed plus he wasn't answering my text, until he finally replied that he'd just gotten home from work (he worked as an independent courier delivering medications) and had taken nap but he was about to jump in the shower. He then gave me an updated ETA. About an hour later, I was about to head to the restroom when I received John's text about being there in 5 minutes. I hurriedly got there and back because I didn't want him to arrive and see Crystal and think she was me! I then began getting text updates that excelerated my heart beats... I'm a minute away.... I'm parking in the parking lot... I'm walking towards you... and when I saw John heading toward the gate that separated us, I eagerly jumped up to greet him. The gate opened and there we stood staring at each other for the first time! Sure, we'd shared photos, but that wasn't the same thing as seeing each face to face; seeing each other smile. We both immediately embraced, hugging one another tightly with overflowing emotion.
"Your pictures don't do you justice!" John exclaimed. I said, "Thank you. You look just as handsome as your pictures!" John told me photographs could not capture my sparkling green eyes or smile and I was even further smitten.
I introduced John to Crystal and we sat and chatted. I was almost jealous of the way John easily conversed with my best friend since the main focus wasn't on me. He told me later he was just being friendly which I appreciated, however, I couldn't wait for Crystal to leave so John and I could get further acquainted. For the first time in my life, I had an overwhelming urge to touch him, be close to him...it was magnetic! I was drawn to him like no other man and all I wanted to do was sit close to him and drink him in. Crystal obviously got the hint because she soon exited to let John and I melt into one another; finally talk and find out if the initial feelings of love would simmer then boil over until we were compelled to voice them.
How I Met My (2nd and Better!) Husband... Part 3
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So... once my friend Crystal departed, John and I scooted up closer so we could hug and be close while conversing. We talked about about texting and our calls during the week and how happy we were to finally meet each other. He even sang me some of his songs (softly so the other diners couldn't hear) which made me laugh because he'd made up dirty lyrics to popular songs. We had a drink but couldn't stop talking!
We managed to finally make it to the parking lot where like teenagers we proceeded to make out first in front of John's car and then mine! We were headed somewhere else but we couldn't stop kissing. Eventually John pulled away to confess, "I think I'm falling in love with you." My heart beats accelerated as I said, "I love you, too!" We were both giddy after that and thrilled that what we'd hoped was love during our texting/calling courtship was actually the real thing!
We decided to go into the convenience store across the street to buy some champagne and John realized he'd left his debit card at the restaurant, so he took off to collect it leaving me awkwardly conversing with the store clerk. When John returned, he paid for our purchase and we headed out.
I won't elaborate on where we went next... I'll leave that to your imagination but it was an amazing, magical night that only solidified our feelings for one another. The next day we parted ways with a date set for the next night... dinner at John's place. John went to meet his son and I went home to grab a nap at home. My nephew was there interview my son Noah about autism. He was doing a paper for college. After napping, I talked with him, not daring to tell him I'd just met the love of my life because I hadn't yet told my kids.
Dinner the next night was fun. I arrived at John's single wide about 30 minutes from me and he showed me around. He had two dogs at the time--Ozzie, a skipperkee and Stella, a toy poodle. I admired John's decorating and told him so, and he admitted he'd done it all himself. It very impressive, especially since he was a bachelor living on his own. Dinner was delicious and the conversation never lacked.
That night began the first of many, many mostly happy times I'd be at John's place or he'd be at mine. We told our kids and they were fine with it. My kids weren't upset about my divorce since they never were close to their dad and didn't miss him. I met John's son Wil and but I still haven't met his daughter Emily. For years she was reticent to meet me until last January when we moved to Idaho and I couldn't meet her then because I was packing.
Anyway, my divorce was finalized in November and John was still not divorced. His wife seemed willing to separate from him but do nothing about filing. John didn't pursue it because he didn't feel it was a big deal and it wasn't until it was... which was now that I was in the picture. After a couple of months of dating, we were deeply serious and happy and knew we'd be married some day, but that wasn't going to happen until he was divorced, so I urged him to pursue the divorce. Little did I know that it would take months until he was permanently and legally free from his ex.
First it was Angie didn't agree on child support, then when John went to an arbitrator and Angie had to attend sessions, too, she reniged and that fell apart. Eventually, months later, they did come to a custody and child support agreement and filed. I was relieved... finally John would be free so we could be married. I'd wanted him to divorced anyway because I didn't feel right about dating a married man even though the marriage was long over and they were separated. So, John got Angie to sign the divorce papers and he filed. Well, the county he filed in was apparently very particular about every little detail so they kicked the papers back. John had to fill out some more information and he sent the papers back, but they got kicked it back again!
John was reluctant to tell me the second time but he did when we were hanging out at his place on a Saturday. I was upset to the point of tears. I just wanted him to be free so he could be mine! We were so perfect together, loved one another unconditionally, and got along amazingly, that I knew without a doubt we were meant to be together legally.
John had proposed to me on Christmas Eve of 2016. It was bittersweet because he was still married. We made the announcement to my family and they were happy for us but they didn't know John was still married. We couldn't bear to tell them since my family is so conservative. Unfortunately, his divorce did not go through until May of 2017 and our wedding date was set for July 2017!
It was a happy day when he got the final divorce decree in the mail and we went out to celebrate. Now there were no more boundaries and we would be free and happy and prepared to get married...
How I Met My (2nd and Better!) Husband... Part 4
How I Met My (2nd and Better!) Husband... Part 5
In Progress
At the wedding, Phil, our pastor, asked John to go first so he pulled out what looked like four pages of hand written notes. I blushed and inwardly gushed at every word, and those words were obviously well thought out and aimed to spell out our history and his feelings for me and us. He'd phoned me that morning when I'd awoken at my hotel with my sister (my Matron of Honor) in the next bed over that he'd woken at 6am and decided he wasn't going to recite his vows from memory like he'd previously told me and wanted to instead think out carefully what he wanted to say and write them down. I was touched he cared so much and happy he'd be prepared as I was to recite those all important vows at the ceremony.
INSERT JOHNS VOWS
I stood there in a surreal state of awe as I listened to John's heartfelt vows, my heart fluttering at his love for me, my spiritual family and my personal family. My heart burst with more love for this amazing man standing in front of me. Now it was my turn and my bridesmaid Crystal pulled the sheets from his chest (ha!) and gave them to me.
I began:
I apologize for this being so long.
John, or Johnny as I lovingly call you, you have blessed me more than I could ask or think just like God promises in His Word that he’ll do for his children. You have blessed my life so abundantly and filled my heart with so much joy, laughter and love. I believe with all my heart that God put us together because there is no other explanation for how perfect we are for each other. We are not perfect but we are perfected through God’s love and through his Word.
We are so in sync that we finish each other’s sentences, think alike and have the same likes and dislikes. It’s like we have two halves of the same brain and together we are whole.
We can laugh until our stomachs hurt and love until our hearts nearly burst. You give me eye candy to look at when I look at your handsome face and smile, and you make me happy because you are a good person and are so good to me. You are very fun and funny, but also a gentleman who is loving, respectful, kind and has a heart of gold but more importantly, a heart for God.
I promise I will try my very best to be a loving wife to you despite my shortcomings, to love you with a Godly love upholding the Biblical principles to be patient, kind, not jealous (that might be tough since you’re so irresistible to women), long suffering and faithful. I look forward to spending an eternity with you on Earth and in heaven. Thank you for being you."
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